Rant: Chicken Wings Are A Wild Ripoff!!!

"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind) 10/16/2016 at 06:30 • Filed to: Man Yells at Clouds, Rant

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I’m sorry but I want to dropkick a small child anytime someone says they are getting “cheap wings” and then follows it up by stating they are $0.50 each! Chicken wing prices are absolutely outrageous!!

Here’s the thing, there are four “pieces” of the chicken commonly used: Breast, Thigh, Legs, and Wings. Now I want you to realize that the chicken wing is the cheapest part of the chicken by far! If a breast were to cost $1.00, a thigh may be $0.65, a leg around $0.55, and a whole wing would be around $0.20. At the consumer level, once upon a time — which means still currently in the South — you got the wing for free because it was so unwanted. They’d serve that ol’ flapper still connected to the breast, kin!

So I just said a whole wing is about a cost of $0.20, or 1/5 the price of a single breast. Now let’s take a whole wing, make like a 2007 Aston Martin V8 Vantage and this breakdown, aggressively!

On the plate pictured above are six whole chicken wings. Those whole wings are made up of three parts but only considered as two pieces. The parts are the Drumette, the Flat, and That-Pokey-Part-Most-People-Toss-Out-Like-Shrimp-Tails. That third part has a very wordy name, thus we never refer to that part individually, in fact we just consider it to be part of the Flat. Anywhoddy, you can break those pieces (Drumette and Flat w/Pokey) apart, toss out the pokey part and you just turned that plate of six whole wings into what consumers consider to be a plate of twelve “wings!” That’s right kiddos, your wings are actually only half-wings.

Now remember when I said a whole wing was about a cost of $0.20? If that whole is two parts then each one of those Drumettes and Flats would be a cost of $0.10. If I’m selling you those half-wings for $0.50 each then I’m making an 80% profit on the pieces alone! That means that entire $0.20 cost whole wing is being sold to you for $1.00, the same cost as one whole chicken breast!! If you have ever wondered how a chicken tender (fried breast meat) costs the same as the wings then there ya go!

* Quick note: Profit = (Retail - Cost)/Retail. So if the $0.10 wings are $0.50 each then you have an 80% profit. If they are usually $1.00 each then you have a 90% profit. If you charged $100 each, then you’d have a 99.9% profit (not 100% because you still paid for the wings).

Many places, specifically grocery store Service Delis for this example, operate on a 50% profit margin. Usually whatever you’re buying in that department the price that department pays to make the product is half of the price you’re being charged on the retail. So something that’s $3.99 prepared in the grocery Deli will probably cost that Deli $1.99 to make. If restaurants worked off that same principle then your $0.50 wings would actually be $0.20-$0.25 each at REGULAR PRICE! That’s still a 50% to 60% profit! I’m not talking about prices on some special half off night, I’m talking about er’ryday! Yeeaaahhh, Boi!!

So you and your buddies are meeting for $0.50 wing day at your local pub. You order the plate above with eight wings on it, some day old celery (nothing wrong with that), and a squirt of ranch dressing from the 3 gallon jug. You get charged around $4.29 for that plate, wonder why you’re still hungry so order another plate, burger, more appetizers (because eight wings are a warmup-meal to prepare for the real meal in the US), whatever. You buy about 16 wings for under $9 and beam with gluttonous pride as you now believe you could eat wings competively because you absolutely destoryed them! Pigeons flee in your presence because they heard about what you did to Big Rhonda and the Gang over in Bdubs last Tuesday! You sick bastard...

All I’m sayin’ is that the plate of eight assorted Drumettes and Flats should have only cost $2 and some change since eight wing pieces is only four whole wings which only cost $0.20 each, and a 50%-60% profit margin means it should have only cost you $0.50 per whole wing.

And while you’re trying to say, “ But Wobbles, they use premium all natural free-range chicken wings, and look at the size of them! ” Yo, what is a “premium” chicken and why would you want its wings of all things? How do you get huge wings naturally on a bird that’s flightless? Free-range, you can keep the chickens locked up all day, give them 30 minutes to an hour outside to play basketball, lift weights, and get tatted up before locking them back into their enclosures. You know they call that “yard time” in prison, right?

Why ya’ payin’ so much for the wings off prison chicken, fam? Now boneless wings are a different story because they’re usually just chicken breasts. The pricing on those makes more sense since they make less cents. Not like the bone-in wings where you know they are broken up pieces of the wings. Now wait a second there Becky, that doesn’t mean to only buy your wings boneless! Three chopped up chicken tenders being used to make a plate of 12 boneless wings may not be worth $0.50 a pop. Boneless wings ain’t anarchy, so eat those delicious bourgie adult chicken nuggets and know that you are the type of consumer you said you’d never be.

Huh, surprising how many sheep eat chicken...

jimz > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 06:57

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Maybe, but it’s a delicious rip-off.

Yo, what is a “premium” chicken and why would you want its wings of all things?

A premium chicken is more resistant to autoignition than a regular one.

shop-teacher > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 07:43

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I find chicken wings to be severely overrated.

E92M3 > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 07:46

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Wait till you hear how much the feet sell for. Pound for Pound they are more expensive than the breast and are sold to the Chinese. And to think just 20 years ago we were grinding them up to be used in dog food. At least we do export one thing to China I guess.

Those little “pokey” wing tips are sold by the container to them as well.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 07:50

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Absolutely, but they’re so good I don’t mind getting ripped once in a while.

That Bastard Kurtis - An Attempt to Standardize My Username Across Platforms > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 07:57

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Counterpoint: You’re looking at this strictly from a food standpoint. Wings aren’t just a food, they’re an activity. You sit down, drink your beer, eat your 20-30 wings. It’s the best.

Also, if you were to buy two chicken breasts instead you could only have two sauces tops. Wings are versatile, you can put six different sauces (or more!) on 30 wings and have totally different flavors available to you as you eat. You’re paying for that fun and convenience, and I’m fine with that.

Cé hé sin > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 08:00

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Chicken wings are hardly worth the bother of eating.

Chicken legs are where it’s at.

Captain Brotatohead > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 08:58

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“Premium”  The other day I happened upon a gallon jug of artisinal spring water; I had no idea how that could possibly be a thing. 

deekster_caddy > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 09:02

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Well that’s great and all, but you forgot to pay for the restaurant’s rent, electricity, gas, staff etc. So it’s not ALL profit... But FWIW Buffalo Wild Wings (to name names...) is IMO a big ripoff when it comes to wings. I’ve never had a good experience eating there. I don’t understand how or why their stock is an investment people consider, but given the popularity SOMEBODY is buying them (the wings).

loki03xlh > Cé hé sin 10/16/2016 at 09:20

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And they’re cheaper, too.

gogmorgo - rowing gears in a Grand Cherokee > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 09:54

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Never been a huge fan of chicken wings. Too much work for too little sustenance with too high a bone/meat ratio. Also most of the time they have that oozy sauce that gets all up in your ‘stache and beard. No bueno.

FTTOHG Has Moved to https://opposite-lock.com > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 11:02

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Two things. One, I swear kt wasn’t that long ago that 25 cent wing specials were a thing. Like much more recently than inflation made it 50 cents. I’m hoping the current wing prices are just due to trendiness that will fade an we’ll get back to something like 33 cents. Two, when I was in high school there was a chain called Quaker Steak and Lube that had an all you can eat wing night once a week for something like $13.99. That sounds like a lot, but we’d easily eat 40 wings a piece and there was always that one guy who would get 60-70. Man I miss that place. The chain might still exist, but I think that all you can eat night is a thing of the past.

404 - User No Longer Available > Cé hé sin 10/16/2016 at 11:17

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“Ew, dark meat.”

- Some people.

Screw those people. I love chicken legs.

Thomas Donohue > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 11:45

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Eight wings = two dead chickens. So $4.00 isn’t too bad considering the sacrifice the chickens made. But considering that 30 years ago those were unused parts of the chicken, it’s a racket for the chicken syndicates. I also remember when you could get 10 cent wings during Monday night football...those days are long gone.

And blue cheese, always.

Birddog > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 11:52

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Whenever I do a big BBQ I buy a lot of Chicken. Drums and wings. You feed a lot of people on the cheap on Chicken.

These feral wing and breasty owl joints are a total rip. But they did find a way to make a good buck off of nothing. Gotta admire that.

There is one place that has a deal locally. One of our grocery stores has a Pub attached and offers a 64oz Growler and all you can eat wings for about $20 on Sundays from 6pm-11pm.

Svend > Cé hé sin 10/16/2016 at 12:10

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So true. So much effort to eat with so little reward.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > 404 - User No Longer Available 10/16/2016 at 12:21

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Dark meat is where all the taste is - chicken breast is so boring. Give me a thigh or drumstick any day.

That said, I love wings, though.

horizonsofkhaos > Thomas Donohue 10/16/2016 at 12:58

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I feel this is relevant following the closing of your comment (NSFW audio)

AMGtech - now with more recalls! > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 12:59

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Bone-in wings are too much work. Boneless is where it’s at. You’re right though, way overpriced either way. Ate at bdubs the other night with a friend, twelve boneless, two sauces, a beer, tip - $28. Didn’t feel good about it after the fact.

wiffleballtony > Wobbles the Mind 10/16/2016 at 14:30

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I agree completely

Thomas Donohue > horizonsofkhaos 10/17/2016 at 12:11

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Oh...that was good. And 100% correct.